You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful inspirational self-help books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as Your Good-for-Nothing Friends, Your Miserable Job, and Life: What's the Use.

This hilarious parody collects hundreds of tidbits of painful reality such as You're no good, you're not great-looking, and you're going to die someday and it's probably going to hurt. Who among us isn't sick to death of the gushy, new-agey inspirational books that blindly assert that everyone is worthy? We all know the truth, and this book is as refreshing as a slap to the face.

Just some of the depressingly humorous nuggets of truth include:

* You don't really have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say you're pretty much just like everybody else.

* The only reason your pet likes you is because you feed it.

* As you get older, you are going to have less and less control over your bladder.

* If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face.

You Are Worthless also features a section called Hopeless Role Models from History, including Helen Keller (I've had it), and Abraham Lincoln (The only thing I'm good at is losing).


Takes a humorous look at inspirational self-help books by providing hundreds of depressing nuggets of wisdom.
Scott Dikkers founded the world’s first humor website,, in 1995. A few years earlier he helped found the original Onion newspaper. He’s served as The Onion’s owner and editor-in-chief, on and off, for much of the last quarter century.